There is nothing I would rather be doing on a Friday night than hunching over my big pot and clenching a wooden spoon in my hands, all while the freshly cut onions bring me to stinging tears. To some, this may seem like a bleak and strange thing to look forward to, but to me, meal prepping is pretty darn fun. Now, I get how some people could find this weekly task tiresome and time-consuming, but when done right, you just might find yourself skipping parties to stay home and party with your pots and pans. (Instead of going out and getting sauced, you can make some yummy sauce right in your very own kitchen!) I will reveal the secrets behind what makes meal prepping such a tremendously entertaining time, so grab your cooking aprons and chef hats everyone, because you’re in for a wild ride!
How do you make meal-prepping the
highlight of your week? And maybe even a little... sexy?"
Meal-prepping is great if you get lazy or are just busy and don’t have time to spend hours cooking a full-course meal every night. So many people in college skip meals, or eat sub-par snacks lacking asparagus, because they don’t have time between classes or with their busy schedules to get in a good nutritious dinner that their mom would approve of (those frozen pizzas and cups of ramen wouldn’t exactly make mom jump for joy). Meal-prepping comes in handy if you’re on a workout plan and are trying to make sure you get an adequate amount of calories and protein every day. When I return home from the gym, usually glistening with sweat (and tears), the last thing I want to do is cook a protein-packed meal from scratch. With meal prepping, all I have to do is heat up whatever I made previously on the stove or in the microwave and I’m good to go. You don’t have to rely on eating out, which will save you money and your health! We don’t notice it because it is not being prepared in front of us, but many restaurants will coat their seemingly healthy veggies in oil and add absurd amounts of salt to every dish. However, so many people dread the process of cooking. Maybe it’s the prospect of actually going out to the grocery store and lugging their small elephant-sized grocery bag back to their house, or maybe it’s the actual laborious and time consuming act of cooking the food. So... How do you make meal-prepping the highlight of your week? And maybe even a little... sexy?
1. One word: MUSIC.
This is the time to get experimental with your music listening. Get crazy here. I’m talking about busting it down to some Selena Gomez bops, singing along to Frank Sinatra as you boil your pasta, throwing on a good oldies playlist, or letting the soothing voice of Phil Collins caress your culinary eardrums. Also, don’t be afraid to move a little. If you’re like me and you meal prep by yourself (no shame in that!), then you can drop it low and treat your linoleum floor like it’s the Moulin Rouge. The fridge makes an excellent object to wall-twerk on if you’re agile enough, just don’t fall onto your stove or onto a knife and impale yourself.
Here are my top recommendations for Spotify playlists (All created by Spotify):
2. Throw on a new podcast!
There are a variety of podcasts to throw on while dicing your carrots or sautéing your onions. Podcasts are great because it’s all audio so it’s not like watching TV where you have to keep looking at the screen and risk burning your precious asparagus or overcooking your sweet potatoes. (It’s such a delicate balance between rock hard and undercooked.) All of my cooking podcasts have to do with sex and relationships because it spices up (ba dum tss) my recipes.
My go-to podcasts include:
Call Her Daddy – One of the most popular sex-positive podcasts out there filled with profanity and the closest you can come to verbal porn without actually being porn. Just remember to stay focused and cook the zucchini, that’s it’s only purpose in meal prep!
Guys we Fucked – This is another sex podcast with two ladies who discuss their sexual endeavors.
Nicole Byer’s Why Won't You Date Me - A single girl’s go-to podcast about sex, love, and relationships
3. Wear something fun
Just because you’re meal prepping does not mean you have to wear your week-old granny pajamas with pasta sauce crusted over on the ass and toothpaste stains on the sleeve. I see this going in a few directions. You could take the comfy route and wear something absurdly cozy like a fluffy robe (which I can attest makes you feel very free), or you could wear a fancy dress that you would wear on date night even though we all know the only date you have tonight is between you and your cooking supplies. The last option, and also my go-to, is the sexy stripper cook where you wear your favorite lingerie (which adds a great element when you’re dancing to the above playlists). Just one warning – well two – first, try not to spill anything on your clothes if you‘re wearing nice things. Second, if you’re wearing very little coverage clothing, be wary of hot oil splattering onto your skin and scalding you, or any hot liquid for that matter; it hurts like a bitch. I still flinch every time I hear the oil crackling when I’m cooking asparagus in a frying pan. The particles of oil flying through the air may be miniscule, but they are HOT! Always remember, if you really can’t decide on what to wear, you could always wear nothing!
4. EAT WHILE YOU MEAL PREP
Okay so this one might be obvious to some, but maybe not to others. You’re probably very hungry while meal prepping, and all of those de-lish flavors you’re stirring up in your big pot or baking in the oven probably aren’t helping your grumbling tummy. You can’t really eat the food until you’re done cooking it, so for goodness sake, have a few snacks on hand to munch on while you get your groove on. My recommendations are things that don’t really melt or get cold, so that you don’t have to stress over their status while your focus is on the other more important foods.
My go-tos include:
Ice cream – Okay now I know I said no melty foods, but for me specifically I like when it gets all half melty... So I will leave that up to you if you are into that sort of vibe.
Oreos – Do I even need to explain this one?
Grapes (Whole Food’s Cotton Candy Grapes to be specific) – The perfect choice in my opinion because you can pop a few in your mouth here or there with no mess and no fuss. Also they are pretty healthy so you can eat like 3,000 and never gain weight, because that’s how healthy food works, right?
BONUS: It’s also important to stay hydrated! You know the saying; “Hydrate or Diedrate!” That being said, it's quite nice to sip on a glass of wine while being all chef-like. Plus, if you are cooking anything Italian like pasta, and you combine that with “The Perfect Italian Dinner” playlist on Spotify... You just may find yourself drunkenly cooking so much spaghetti and bruschetta that you will be eating it for months. Just remember I warned you.
So there you have it! The recipe for success in meal prepping, and maybe even your sex life... Because we all know that food and sex are synonymous when it comes to their value in life. Don’t listen to stick-in-the-muds who complain that meal prepping is boring and lifeless, because we all know now that it is actually where the party is at. Now that you have all the tools you need, go forth and prep with excitement and passion. And please please please always remember, hot oil is not your friend when it comes to sexy meal prepping.